The Future…

So, I did it. I’m writing another post. (Yay for me!) This blogging thing is going well, so far, so good. Leading on from my previous post, I wanted to talk more in depth about what I’m doing right now and what I want to be doing in the future.

Leaving university will be, I’m sure, horrendously scary. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have that moment of ‘wait, everything isn’t just handed to me on a plate?’, before sinking deeper into ‘I have to actually work for a living?’, and finally finishing with the revelation that all those hours of watching Downton Abbey re-runs didn’t in fact help my degree… but I’m pretty sure everyone goes through that. Right? Despite this impending doom being over a year and a half away, I’m feeling it now. I’m surrounded by people who either seem to completely have their lives together, or have absolutely no idea how to even live alone. It’s a terrifying time, and frankly, one which I would hate to miss. This feeling of unknowing is the one thing spurring me on to do something about my future.

From my previous post, you might be able to guess that I’m pretty fickle. Ever since I can remember I’ve changed my mind constantly about what I want to do with my life. I went through the usual child ideas, zoo keeper, gladiator (yes, those ones that used to be on TV), actor. I was always writing stories as a child, but then what child didn’t? I went through a phase of wanting to be a Film Critic, and let me tell you, that swiftly ended after taking a Film Criticism module at university. I then wanted to be a Script Writer (still possible, but who knows), and currently I’m in the phase of wanting to work in Publishing. I’ve always been good at grammar and spelling, so why not put it to use? So anyway, whilst currently working towards that dream, I’ve been applying for publishing work experience. Who knows if I’ll still want to pursue this in a year, but what harm can the experience do?

This is what I’m trying to say. Being a student studying a particular course, does not automatically put you in the box of that job area. I mean, if you’re studying something like Law, it’s pretty likely you’ll be a lawyer, but all those students out there doing courses they kinda enjoy but they’re still not sure if they want to do that? There are so many options out there. Brian May has a degree is Astrophysics for gods sake. Right now, your ideal future picture may look a lot different to what you think will actually happen, but I’m saying don’t restrict yourself. Apply for everything, experience everything, and do everything. I mean, not everything, I’m not endorsing illegal activities, and maybe you don’t really need to go on that trek across the Himalayas just to decide what job you want, but what the hell do I know?


What is this all about then?

I’ve never been good at sticking to something. I flake out when things get too hard or I freak out. The amount of hobbies that I’ve begun and haven’t finished is frankly ridiculous.. photography? Check. Learning the guitar? Check. Crafting? Check. YouTube? Double check. Seriously, the amount of times I’ve stopped playing a game or reading a book halfway through is kinda ridiculous. I’m the queen of non-committal acts, of changing my mind at the last minute. Now I used to see this as a problem – I mean, don’t even get me started on relationships – but recently I’ve been seeing it more as.. a way of saying that I’ve tried many different things. I have multiple passions, not all of them active, but multiple being the key word. The reason I’m depicting this in such a ridiculous manner is that I’ve decided I want to stick with something. And I chose blogging. I tried it once before, (see future post about that film blog) but now, I think it’s the right time.

My name is Lauren. I’m 5″3, 20 years old, and am currently studying Creative Writing at University. I was originally going to be studying English and Film… until I realised (last minute of course), that I hated English. No offence to those who study it, but I’m rubbish at it. I realised two days before results day that I wanted to be writing my own words instead of studying others. Swiftly, I dropped out of the universities I had applied for in order to enter freely into clearing to chase my new agenda. If you didn’t believe I was fickle before, then there’s your proof.  Yes, I got the grades I had expected and would have been able to go to the higher ranking University that I had originally applied for, but I realised that I wouldn’t have been happy. Something which I rank above everything else is happiness. Mainly because if I’m not happy, then I’m not working to my full potential. So here I am, currently in my second year doing a subject that I enjoy, attending lectures that I enjoy and looking forward to more of the same.

But I have realised that it isn’t enough. And that is the main reason for this blog. Not for any course that I’m doing (although it does require I submit articles to online blogs, more of that later) but for the life that I’m currently living. This year, I’ve experienced anxiety, stress, self doubt and a feeling of complete lack of control… and it’s only just turned November! I want to blog about the things that I’m feeling in the hope that I find someone else who is experiencing the same, or someone who is looking to go to university and is unsure what to expect. But mainly? I just need an outlet for me. A standard-but-probably-not-really-standard student with a proclivity for candles and going to bed early. And hey, you never know. Maybe I really will stick with it this time.