What is this all about then?

I’ve never been good at sticking to something. I flake out when things get too hard or I freak out. The amount of hobbies that I’ve begun and haven’t finished is frankly ridiculous.. photography? Check. Learning the guitar? Check. Crafting? Check. YouTube? Double check. Seriously, the amount of times I’ve stopped playing a game or reading a book halfway through is kinda ridiculous. I’m the queen of non-committal acts, of changing my mind at the last minute. Now I used to see this as a problem – I mean, don’t even get me started on relationships – but recently I’ve been seeing it more as.. a way of saying that I’ve tried many different things. I have multiple passions, not all of them active, but multiple being the key word. The reason I’m depicting this in such a ridiculous manner is that I’ve decided I want to stick with something. And I chose blogging. I tried it once before, (see future post about that film blog) but now, I think it’s the right time.

My name is Lauren. I’m 5″3, 20 years old, and am currently studying Creative Writing at University. I was originally going to be studying English and Film… until I realised (last minute of course), that I hated English. No offence to those who study it, but I’m rubbish at it. I realised two days before results day that I wanted to be writing my own words instead of studying others. Swiftly, I dropped out of the universities I had applied for in order to enter freely into clearing to chase my new agenda. If you didn’t believe I was fickle before, then there’s your proof.  Yes, I got the grades I had expected and would have been able to go to the higher ranking University that I had originally applied for, but I realised that I wouldn’t have been happy. Something which I rank above everything else is happiness. Mainly because if I’m not happy, then I’m not working to my full potential. So here I am, currently in my second year doing a subject that I enjoy, attending lectures that I enjoy and looking forward to more of the same.

But I have realised that it isn’t enough. And that is the main reason for this blog. Not for any course that I’m doing (although it does require I submit articles to online blogs, more of that later) but for the life that I’m currently living. This year, I’ve experienced anxiety, stress, self doubt and a feeling of complete lack of control… and it’s only just turned November! I want to blog about the things that I’m feeling in the hope that I find someone else who is experiencing the same, or someone who is looking to go to university and is unsure what to expect. But mainly? I just need an outlet for me. A standard-but-probably-not-really-standard student with a proclivity for candles and going to bed early. And hey, you never know. Maybe I really will stick with it this time.