Something I think about a lot is the fact that I don’t have a best friend. I have loads of fabulous wonderful friends who are ridiculous and I love them, but I don’t have that one person who I can go to with anything.
I mean, a lot of why is my own fault. After a bad relationship I kind of pushed everyone away. A lot of things happened that I bottled up inside and didn’t want to talk about. It became easier to just put myself above everything and it really made me selfish with my time. It was a lot easier to be alone than to be surrounded by people who didn’t know. It’s only recently that I’ve opened up about a lot of it.
I’m also terrible with keeping contact with people. When I went off to uni it was a new start and I could be a new person, and everyone from school reminded me of home and a person I didn’t want to be.
More recently after moving back home it’s hitting me that I don’t have that one friend soulmate. Someone I could cry on, tell anything, eat junk food with. Someone to tell me I’m being ridiculous when I need it. Spend hours on the phone being silly.
Is that a romanticised version of a best friend? Maybe. But it would be quite nice to have.
The reason I wrote this was because today is Mental Health Awareness day and there were a lot of tweets about people having wonderful friends who have helped them through so much. I do have that, but I still sometimes feel like an annoyance. But maybe one day I will find someone I mesh with so well that it won’t matter.
Anyway I know that I need to make more of an effort with people. Maybe I’ll meet my friend soulmate at some point, but I won’t if I don’t try.