You know what the one of the best moments in life is? The moment that no one bats an eyelid. The moment when you realise that no one gives a damn about the thing you’ve been agonising over for the past week.
We all have ideals about life, partners, education and ourselves. And of course this can be good, striving towards your ideals is a great motivation for doing well and making the most out of life. But how are we supposed to know if these ideals and expectations are reachable? We all have that one ideal version of ourselves right? Mine is a little bit like this:
This Lauren gets up early every day, make up perfectly done, ready to start the day with a coffee in hand and plans for the day. She also never has writers block, loves to jog and spends her weekends going on forest walks and discovering new things. She reads old novels and speaks intelligently about Hemingway and Fitzgerald with ease. She dresses in a sort of rocker/indie/Sarah Manning from Orphan Black type fashion, yet still appears to be completely on trend. She doesn’t spend her money on stupid things, yet still manages to have all the latest make up and clothes.
The key thing here, is that I’m referring to her as ‘she’. I’m doing that because she is not me, and as much as I want her to be me, she isn’t. My problem is that as much as I try to be like her, reading the novels and trying to write, I feel like a phoney. It’s because my expectation is so high that I’ll never feel worthy of my own creation. And that’s just completely stupid because I’ve created this out of my own head. To be that person, it takes hard work and effort, that of which should be spent on more important things. As much as I want to strive for better, this version of me is just a character. The stereotype of the perfect girl, but not the archetype. Unrealistic. Not being perfect is what makes us, well, us. And I wanted to write about this because it’s always something that bothers me, trying to seem like I’m more intelligent/mysterious/interesting than I actually am. I don’t need to do that, yet I still try. We all do. And I just wanted to tell you that you can be that better version of yourself if you reeeeeeally want to, but if you stay as you are, that’s okay too.
I didn’t mean for this to get so deep, but that’s how it turned out. Funny how writing brings things out, isn’t it?